So this is a brief explanation of how i got here, how i got so motivated and driven to be the best i could be.
Two years ago i was diagnosed with anorexia. It felt like it came out of no-where, at the beginning of the year i was at a great weight, a great size and had wonderful eating habits, but by the end of year i had completely transformed.
You see my anorexia was painful, just like any other patient suffering from the disorder. One very misunderstood thing about anorexia is that it isn’t all about body image, at least it wasn’t for me. before i got sick (and at the beginning of it) i loved my body, i did not think i was too large, nor did i really want to change it drastically. I had a distorted idea of what ‘healthy’ was, and to be healthy is what i really wanted, not to lose lots of weight, not to be skinny, but to be healthy. I was so uneducated of what healthy was, it eventually turned into me eating hardly anything, and when i did it would be things like fruits and veggies, things that are healthy but need to be in a balanced diet (something i clearly was uneducated of).
It developed into a habit of not eating much, almost like a game i played to see how little i could eat. Eventually i found myself terrified of things like meat or bread, even brown rice (even healthy foods). how did this happen? Well anorexia is not just one person wishing they were skinnier, no, it’s a disorder that effects the way you think and behave. I found that recovering from anorexia was far harder than any physical challenge i have faced in my life. When i was diagnosed, i thankfully was blessed with the mind frame that i didn’t like being skinny. I absolutely hated being too skinny, i would never go out in public without a jumper on (during the HOTTEST summer Australia has seen) all because i hated my arms and i wanted to look normal again. But i remained skinny all because of this terrible habit, this terrible disease that wouldn’t allow me the freedom i deserved.
With faith and with my family it was a hard but thankfully fast recovery. The first few weeks were the worst, i wasn’t able to admit i had an eating disorder i just told myself i was just too skinny, but an eating disorder? no, surely not! But by the grace of God i was able to accept it, and more than that i was able to love food again, and recover immensely fast without relapsing. I am completely healed now. I can not thank my family and friends enough, who stood by me the whole time, i know it was hard for them as they had no idea of what i was going through, what it is like, and yet they did all they could to try and understand.
Unfortunately my journey didn’t end there. I developed another eating disorder that many people suffer from today, B.E.D (binge eating disorder). This disorder was a challenge, it didn’t take too long for me to recover from but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. This disorder caused me to binge on foods, whatever i could find, I’d eat healthy during the day then at night i was uncontrollable, i would continue to journey to the kitchen, stuffing my face with endless amounts of horrible foods. All the time thinking “i’ve already eaten this much, what is the point in trying to stop now i’m going to gain weight either way”. That was the disorder talking. None of my family or friends knew about this disorder, and to this day majority of them are still unaware of the struggle i faced, however my faith helped me recover from this, and i’ve only grown stronger and more passionate about treating my body right!
Because of B.E.D i gained a fair bit of body fat. It didn’t seem to drastic to anyone around, but because i wasn’t able to exercise during my recovery, most of the weight i had put back on was fat, and not muscle. so on top of that i gained extra kilos of weight through Binge Eating Disorder. However through true healthy eating and exercise i am now at a happy healthy weight, i love my life, love my friends and in a way i love my struggles, they have only grown me stronger and wiser. I have total 100% faith that there is no chance of me relapsing on either one of my disorders. I am now well educated on healthy eating, i have devoted much of my time into researching the best ways to nourish my body. I am a happy healthy woman on a mission to maintain my weight and only improve my fitness even more!
What lead to the start of my eating disorders was a poor education on healthy living and how to nourish my body the way it deserves, that’s why i want to devote part of my life to showing people what being healthy truly means and how to treat their bodies in the best possible way. I am no health professional but i am soon to be studying to become a personal trainer and hopefully further going on to study nutrition. So everything i say and post are all from personal experiences and the things i have learned along the way.
I feel that i am an entirely new person, and many people have told me the same. I hope to encourage people who are going through similar struggles and wish to provide support to those who may need it, who may need someone who understands what it’s like just as i needed. This is just a small section of my life, although it was the hardest thing i have ever gone through, i am happy to have overcome it and happy to be able to look back on my achievements and remind myself just how far i’ve come! now i am back in love with food, in love with exercise and enjoying the most out of life.
This is my journey and all my inspiration. I hope you all enjoy and please show your support xx
– Lexii xx
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If anyone has any questions about my journey, or maybe just needs support or to talk to someone who’s been through similar things please please send me a message, i’d love to hear from all of you!